Family Injustice: Fathers Unfairly Punished
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There’s nothing more horrible than a parent sexually abusing their own children, but more and more parents involved in child custody cases are claiming sexual abuse to sway courts. And plenty of times the allegations are false. Think of the damage that can do.
This was an incredibly joyous moment for a father who had not seen his two young sons for nearly two years and not because he didn’t want to.
His ex-wife was the reason why. She had simply refused to let him see seven-year-old Omar and five-year-old Zaid because she claimed he was sexually abusing them. Multiple investigations have proven that wasn’t true.
These fake rape allegations are part of a bitter four yearlong custody battle that brings us our latest case family injustice.
“It’s a nightmare. It’s like the living nightmare that you’re in day in and day out. Like, what’s my oldest son thinking. Where has my dad gone.”
After their divorce, he was granted standard possession. Like a lot of guys, every other weekend and Thursday night visitation.
But court records show Ilma often refused to turn over the children and the courts have simply refused to punish her.
He filed his first enforcement complaint with the 309th District Court three years ago, alleging Ilma had violated the court’s visitation order twenty-two times in the first year.
It was still happening this year when he finally came to us for help.
“And this happens all the time. I’ll go months and months without seeing my sons.”
And when he did get rare chances to see his sons, he claims the boy’s mother had brainwashed them into thinking he’ll hurt them, so they didn’t want to go with him. The ugly custody exchanges were caught on video.
The custody fight got so bad the court ordered the parents to meet at a local police station so they could exchange the kids in front of a police officer.
Even then Ilma was reluctant to turn the kids over to their dad.
“Y’all have to abide by it. What’s going on is called tit for tat,” said a police office at one of their exchanges.
He is facing a battle many fathers of divorce are forced to fight.
Family courts appear to go out of their way to favor the mom when deciding who gets custody.
“I want the courts to just, like, treat me like a human being. But look at the facts and then act accordingly. Don’t be so biased.”
But this case exposes another real problem. One parent making up false allegations against the other to justify ignoring visitation to sway the court.
How common is it?
“It’s roughly in one out of two high conflict divorces. In roughly half of the cases, you will see a false allegation of abuse,” states Dr. Blotcky.
Dr. Alan Blotcky wrote this article, The Weaponization of False allegations of Abuse in July of 2022.
“The damage is that in most of these false allegations of abuse a child is involved in that false allegation of abuse. So, the damage is really to the child,” states Dr. Blotcky.
And typically, the allegations are meant to damage the father.
In his case a court appointed, psychotherapist testified that it was clear his ex was making up false allegations of sexual abuse.
”One party wants to win so badly that there is a concerted effort to make the other parent look bad,” reads the court transcript.
He says the sexual abuse allegations began after he filed for divorce in April of 2018. And not just against him. She claimed his parents were sexually abusing the children too.
“I don’t want them to think that i ever did anything bad to them.”
He says the stress gave his 65-year-old mom a stroke.
CPS records show his ex-wife waited more than a year after she claims the abuse began, to report it to child protective services.
But his oldest son made an outcry too. It was investigated by both the children’s advocacy center and child protective services.
In their final report, the advocacy investigator wrote “Omar appeared to be coached by mother.”
And the investigator for CPS said in her report that the “mother’s main goal in this… is to attack the father and his character…” Both investigations concluded neither of the boys had been sexually abused.
He says the damage has already been done.
“It’s like it’s like a constant state of depression. Constant state of sadness like nothing’s ever going to be right. You yourself start doubting yourself. You start questioning everything about yourself. And you’re like, why me, what did I do so wrong.”
To this day his ex has never been sanctioned by the court for the false sexual abuse allegations.
And when it comes to her violating the court ordered visitation, he says she only gets a slap on the wrist.
“The court will punish her or give me like 20 makeup days and same thing. I will see them for 20 days straight. And then whenever she says I’m done, she’ll stop letting me see them.”
Despite his ex making up false allegations and repeatedly being ordered by the court to allow visitation, the 309th District Court refuses to give him full custody of his kids.
On her campaign website judge Linda Marie Dunson likes to point out she was raised by a single mother.
And he believe the judge has it out for dads.
“Very biased against men.”
Judge Dunson said she didn’t want to talk to us.
He and Ilma went back in court in august for another battle in their fight over the kids.
But this time Judge Dunson was not on the bench.
Instead, Associate Judge Quiana Manns heard this bitterly contested custody case. His lawyers had objected before to that.
I don’t blame them for complaining one bit. Associate judges are not elected. They are not directly accountable to voters, and they should not have the power to take away your children. Texas law makers should fix that.
During the most recent hearing, his attorney asked that his be given full custody and had to practically beg the associate judge to even find out where his children were going to school. His ex-wife wouldn’t tell him.
“Like for the past four years, we got nowhere with this court.”
But once again the court only told his ex, again, to allow visitation, but doing nothing to make sure it happened.
“Ilma, can you tell me, are you going to start following the courts order on visitation,” asked Brian Collister.
To find out, we went along to see if his was going to get his boys for the weekend, as ordered by the court.
He did get his visitation – this time.
And his boys were all smiles. Until next time.
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